Life events and the domino effect

Maybe it's because my mind wanders, or maybe it's because I'm retired and have nothing better to do, but at times I wonder about the following and what "could have been", among other life events.
My parents: my dad, a Methodist minister in "small town" Texas, and my mother, who was completely dependent on him, had perceived limitations.

What if I had lost dad as a kid?
This is tricky.  Mom did not work and had no desire to work; her mentality was that women raise children, men bring home the money. She projected that employment was not her "place". My best guess in this circumstance is that we would have moved to Borger, Texas to live with her dad, my grandad Foy. He owned his house outright so there would be no mortgage or rent, even after he passed on in 1978. It is only my best guess on how mom would have acquired money to live. I doubt she would have had much interest in remarrying, but I just don't know. Her dad could have supported us, then perhaps an inheritance after that. She did inherit some stock, which she never knew what to do with. She also hated government programs... welfare, food stamps. It is hard to say whether she would have resorted to those or not, even though circumstances similar to this is what such programs are for. Growing up in Borger, Texas would have been a huge change for me. I would mean a bigger school, different friends, different experiences.
A possible plan B would have been mom’s sister and husband (my aunt and uncle), who lived in Indiana. Perhaps we could have gone to live with her, but I believe my mom would have picked her dad first.
I did have my paternal grandmother living near Borger in Canyon, Texas. My mother never liked her, for reasons I never understood. I doubt my grandmother would have been very involved in this situation, which would have been my mother’s choice.
Whichever scenario, my life path would have been completely different compared to how it was.

What if I had lost mom as a kid?
Still devastating, but maybe not as life altering. I think my dad would have continued to preach, and we may have lived in the same places we did anyway, but even that is not certain. He may have been more open to remarrying then my mother, but that is unknown. I think he would have managed somehow as a single dad, and may have enlisted the help of his mother (mentioned above) who lived in Canyon, Texas. There is no doubt that I would have grown up knowing my grandmother in this case.  It is unfortunate that this is the only way I would have known my paternal grandmother better. 

What if I had lost both parents as a kid?
The worst and most devastating scenario. Three possibilities of who could take us in: my maternal grandad in Borger, Texas, my aunt in Indiana and my paternal grandmother in Canyon, Texas. The thought of losing both parents at once is incomprehensible, but the most likely scenario is that I (or both my brother and I) would have gone to live with my aunt in Indiana. 
It goes without saying that any scenario would impact my older brother Courtney and his future as well. Depending on when such a tragedy occurred and his circumstances, it may have been him that would have taken me in since he is 9 years older than I am.
With the given scenarios, would I have still joined the Navy? Would have have still gone to school at TSTI after high school? Would Courtney have still gone to Baylor? Would he have still married who he did? Would I have still married who I did? It’s all unknown. Most likely it would have been other possibilities I can’t even think of that would have played out.
Fortunately, none of this ever happened.
There are many other possible scenarios within my immediate family as well as extended family, that I won't go into, that could have happened but did not, thankfully.

Other things I have wondered about from time to time:

What if I hadn’t quit the basketball team in 6th grade?
I played on the junior high school basketball team in 6th grade in Hubbard, Texas. There were school buildings utilized on both sides of town at the time. The black side of town, where junior high was, and the white side of town, where the main gym and the rest of the school was. After coming home from an away game, I had some confusion as to which side of town the bus was supposed to drop us off. I ended up walking home from the school on the black side of town after dark, while my parents went to pick me up at the school on the white side of town. When we all eventually got home, my mother was furious with me and threw a fit. (Thinking back, growing up, other than totaling dads car when I was 17, this is the most upset with me she ever was that I can remember. I was unsure (then and now) of why walking home was any worse than other things I did as a kid).
The next day, intimidated by her tantrum, I quit the basketball team, because I did not want to risk the chance of such confusion happening again and dealing with her fits. Based on her behavior, I decided to quit the team. This was my decision, not hers, but she did not discourage me from quitting. I have regretted this decision ever since, even as an adult. I often wonder how my future in sports would have gone. I did not participate in basketball again until my senior year in high school because of this. I imagine things would have gone differently if I had played basketball and all the other sports I could from 6th grade on, like I should have.
On a side note, I did eventually play sports again because in the towns we lived in later on, the schools were right across the street from our house. There was no possible confusion of a drop off point.
Even at 12 years old, this poor decision I made, based on intimidation, was the turning point that I believe impacted my future in athletics. With support, encouragement, "starting early" and coaching, I think my future in sports would have been very different. My parents were not very supportive of me in athletics at first, but what happened is what happened. There is no going back. 

The former Phillis Wheatley Junior High, Hubbard, Texas (late 70's) now a Rec Center.

Photo's courtesy Courtney Duncan, taken on his trip to Texas, February 2022.

What if I would have pursued that volleyball scholarship in high school?
I was a decent volleyball player in high school, when I played during my junior and senior years. My coach was willing to help me get a scholarship, if memory serves, at junior college level. While in high school I decided I wanted to go to commercial art school at a trade school, TSTI Waco, after I graduated. It was my preference, but I remember that I wanted to go to a school which focused directly on a technology then having to take general courses at a community college. Again, another decision that isn't on anyone but me.

What if I would've gotten married instead of joining the Navy?
This would have been a big mistake for several reasons.  There were a couple of prospects at times, but they weren't ideal. Looking back, a marriage would have certainly failed. If any children were involved, that's the direction my life would have gone. Looking back, I was clearly not meant to settle down that early in life. Getting married was an unlikely possibility then and I knew it at the time.

What if I would have joined the Navy earlier than I did? 
If I would have joined the Navy right out of high school at 18 instead of later at 26, my career path would have been different than it was.  I would have been stationed at different commands than I was, due to timing and availability of billets. I would have known different people and had different experiences (as with any other possibility). However, assuming I still did 20 years, I would have retired at 38 instead of 46.

In 1999, I read the book "Your Money or Your Life" by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin.
Reading this book was definitely a turning point which shaped my future. Recommended by my brother Courtney, I read this book and did all the steps. It helped me to save, invest and become financially independent. I previously wrote about this here. https://wilda64.blogspot.com/2019/09/tips-on-how-i-became-financially.html

What if I would have opted to continue my Navy career at the 20 year point instead of retire?
My 20 year mark in the Navy was 2010. I was due to rotate back to sea duty if I would have chosen to stay in longer.  I was so over military politics, I never considered staying in longer at the time. The choices of commands I would have had  to chose from would most likely have taken me away from San Diego and Liz for something like 3-4 years, in what could have been "unaccompanied duty". With "don't ask, don't tell" at the time, it would have been that much more difficult. As an MCC, I believe the options for sea duty commands would have been miserable choices anyway. I suppose if staying in is really what I wanted at the time, Liz and I would have figured out how to make it work, but it didn't happen that way. I could not wait to retire and be done with the Navy. Unquestionably a decision I do not regret.

Thinking about stuff like this (or writing about it) is indeed a "time suck", but perhaps it is also therapeutic. Any of the above events, if they had gone a different way would have changed the direction of my life, and would have subsequently altered everything going forward. However, some events aren't always a choice. A death or illness in the family is no one’s fault, but it definitely alters the future. Otherwise, it may be beneficial to think through a life choice before pursuing it. Such choices or decisions will determine your future path. Joining the Navy and sticking it out for 20 years was perhaps the most major decision I made. It had its trials and tribulations at times, but I do not regret joining when I did. I definitely appreciate life more now because of it.
Nevertheless, I am happy with the way things turned out for me. For the most part, I believe I made the right choices at the right times. Everything worked out OK, and I am content with that. I'm proud of what I've done, and appreciate what I have.
To quote Courtney, "we are all lucky to be here."